Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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