ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
