This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
