Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so let's talk penis.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
