i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
