I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
