so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
