Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
