Rock
Scissors
Fuck
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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