tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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