next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize