sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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