My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
soo... how was my night?
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