so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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