The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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