i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
