Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
