i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
