i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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