I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
