I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and she was petting her beer can
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize