Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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