hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
