The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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