And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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