Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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