from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
