Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Boobs are out for the taking
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
