FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
