You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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