hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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