woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
