Nicole vs. Life
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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