can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
