oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
