It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
