I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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