youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
