ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
