people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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