Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
