I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
