Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
