This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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