I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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