sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i believe in u and ur pee
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