I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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