what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
no, he came in my armpit
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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