I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
