We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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