I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
