I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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