I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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