we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize