so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
