bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
