9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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