U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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