I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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