woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
