nut hugger
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
