maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
