I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize