I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
