the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize