You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am available for nakedness
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
