my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
