And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
