$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
