I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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