actually, I'm a sock model
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
