I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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