are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
