did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
