he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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