In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
