We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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