my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
