The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
