Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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