No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
