i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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