Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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