ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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