Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
