My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
