im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
