Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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