I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
