dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
