youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
