I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
