oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
