A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
