I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
