my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
