The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
