Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
