It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
