im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
