Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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