Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He passed out mid-signature
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
